The truth

here i go agian... pasting something i read. but i guess i do this not because i cant write it, but because the article puts whatever i want to say so very well. i am only pasting excerpts here...

the reference - http://in.rediff.com/getahead/2005/jul/25rashmi.htm


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In Nivedita's mind, going to college and having a boyfriend are becoming firmly interconnected. And no, she doesn't mean 'friend who is a boy' (which she has plenty of, already).

This college = boyfriend equation is something picked up from the movies and television she's been exposed to. Not that I don't try to make sure she watches stuff 'appropriate for her age' but hell, even Popeye and Mickey Mouse have girlfriends...

What I want her to internalise is this: It's wonderful if you do happen to meet and vibe with someone in a special way when you join college. And it's perfectly okay if you don't. And that 'everyone has a boyfriend' is not the right reason, at all.

I, for one, know I was in love with the idea of being in love. My first foray into Boyfriendland was an absolute disaster! The bloke was a good looking, crew cut NDA cadet and had a nice bike. But he was an absolute ditz in the IQ and ethics department.

Yet, even when I knew he wasn't quite the guy I should be wasting my time on, it was very hard to break up. Because 'someone' is better than 'no one'.

Which is wrong. 'No one' is better than a relationship that lacks respect.

You might think that this is something everyone knows, but I see many young people stuck in these kind of relationships -- justifying them for this very same reason.

The greatest love of all, as Whitney Houston once sang, is learning to love yourself. And that, dear Nivedita, is what I want for you before you go out and find yourself a boyfriend...

And yes, boys do really want 'only one thing'… I know that statement is going to draw a lot of flak so here's a more scientific explanation.

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In the beginning

God -- whichever one you believe in -- created a virus in the image of man. And woman. Now the trick to spreading the virus quickly and effectively was to have it replicate on its own.

So He invented sex. Yes, I will refer to God as 'He' because I think our Creator must have been a guy. Had it been a woman, She certainly would've given us periods annually -- not every month!

But you see, God's primary motive in adding the sex angle was not pleasure but reproduction. The fact that it was pleasurable offered the necessary incentive to undertake the activity.

As an added safety feature, God gave man a reproductive organ with a mind of its own. One that did not always and necessarily obey the commands from the High Command.

This hardwiring has complicated life for Modern Day Man. Say you meet a nice girl, and there is a mutual attraction. The High Command says, Wait! Take it easy. Get to know her. Be a gentleman.

But whether he likes it or not, the 'reproduce' circuit is also switched on and it sends really powerful signals...

Doesn't this also happen to women? Well, some believe it did in the Caveman era, but centuries of social conditioning, Mills & Boon novels and mushy films have had their evil effect. It does look, though, that God must have wired us differently to begin with.

First of all, since women were the ones stuck with the unwanted side effect -- "Badhaai ho, aap maa banne waali hain (Congratulations, you are going to become a mother)" -- they were bound to be much more cautious and see a big red STOP sign.

Advances in birth control have partially taken care of that factor, but it goes deeper.

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'The One Thing'

The point is that a girl needs affection, understanding and emotion -- after which sex may follow.

However, many young women end up having a physical relationship hoping to get their core needs fulfilled later. Only to find that doesn't always happen. And when it doesn't, it's extremely hurtful and demeaning.

Because the guy may actually just be scratching his reproductive itch, and have no emotions for her to begin with.

Now you may argue that sex will lead to an emotional bonding. Possible, but dicey. Guys do have a concept of women who they will sleep around or 'have fun' with, and women who 'mean more'. Women for whom they feel something in their brains and not just in their briefs.

Even in more 'liberated' countries, the casual and meaningless sexual encounter may be common but not necessarily fulfilling for the woman. A recent report from the UK reveals that, despite the fact that both men and women experience their first intercourse at age 16, there remain gender differences in the experience of the event.

Women are twice as likely as men to regret their first experience of intercourse and three times as likely to report being the less willing partner.

Something to keep in mind before you make your decision...

And finally...

Coming back to my original bit of advice for Nivedita: Make sure your boyfriend respects you and loves you for who you are, not just how you look.

And if I ever have a son I will tell him the same, although in a slightly different way: Make sure your girlfriend is someone you would feel proud enough to bring home and introduce to me.

Someone who makes you feel good -- and feels good.

Not that you won't make mistakes, like I did.

But it helps to know what it is you're really looking for … before setting off to find it in the first place.

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My thoughts ---

and what i think is .... the author is absolutely right when she says... all of us could make mistakes anytime. but knowing that we will... and being concious of it matters!

Why do i think this is true?! Or is it not?!

Why are Indians such hypocrites?

We're Indians. We don't kiss. Kissing is what people outside India do. We just smile shyly at the people we love. Watch our many movies for proof.

We are all heterosexual. Homosexuals live outside our borders. We encourage our media to explore sexuality. We accept alternative sexualities, even though we are all convinced they do not exist.

Few of us undress fully while making love. Undressing is what people outside India do. We are content with a little wiggling and maybe a few post-coital cigarettes. Sex is, after all, a dirty word. We don't think about sex. It's never on our minds. We think pure thoughts at all hours.

We love cricket. It's because we're so good at it. It's because our cricketers pour their hearts into every game. Other sports are not worthy of our attention. Other sportsmen do not pour their hearts out into their games. Other sportsmen are not worthy of endorsing our brands of footwear, aerated drinks or car batteries. Our cricketers alone deserve our adoration. Our cricketers and our movie stars, that is. Our movie stars are intelligent. They study all scripts carefully and are always unwilling to propagate stereotypes. Our movie stars live clean, wholesome lives and are therefore perfectly suited to deliver clean, wholesome messages to the masses that adore them.

We are a patient, tolerant people. We accept all religions and tolerate all kinds of behaviour. We never riot. Rioting, too, happens only outside our borders. We keep the peace at all hours. We do not typecast other religions or provoke sentiments. Watch our many movies for proof.

All Indians are our brothers and sisters. This is why we respect all women. This is why women in our major cities can do as they like and travel, unaccompanied, at all hours. This is why our policemen are highly respected, for the protection they offer all women. We like women to have minds of their own. Women who lead their own lives need not fear humiliation at our hands. We do not brand them whores. Look at our many female film stars for proof. We respect them all. The ones who choose to do as they like on screen, as well as the ones who do not.

We have never felt the need to keep women at home, closeted or covered in any way. Bold women are never a threat to us. The idea of female sexuality is welcomed and holds no threat for our calm countrymen. We do not ask women to wear clothes we choose for them. We respect them irrespective of whether they're dressed in nine-yard saris or nine-inch mini-skirts.

Education is important for us. We respect our teachers. We encourage our sons and daughters to take up teaching as a profession. We pay our teachers well. We pay our teachers on time. We teach our sons that teaching is not just a job for women. We respect our system of education. We encourage our sons and daughters to get an education here, not abroad, because we believe in the system. The few who graduate abroad are encouraged to come back here, to make life even better than it already is for themselves and their countrymen.

We are proud of our culture. We uphold it every week. Our heritage is precious. This is why we protect it well. Our monuments are well cared for. Our museums are well funded. Our curators are literate and well paid. We do not allow people to encroach on sites like the Taj Mahal or the Qutub Minar. Graffiti is not allowed. Vandalism is a myth.

We treat our sons and daughters equally. We allow our daughters to marry when they wish to. We allow our daughters to pick the men they want to spend their lives with. We encourage our daughters to think for themselves. We believe they have the intelligence to make wise decisions. This is also why we encourage them to study further.

We love our country. We don't want to live anywhere else. We don't work towards the idea of leaving it and never coming back. Because we're Indians. Hypocrites, all.



Courtesy: http://in.rediff.com/news/2005/jul/12lp.htm

The ‘Bajji’ tradition

I had ‘bajji’ today after a long time! The taste on my lips brought back tasty memories of college!

Go to any college in Tamilnadu (not the ones in Chennai, ‘cos I don’t know about them) at around 5pm in the evening and the chances that you would find the hostel dwellers in their rooms are meager. And I am not suggesting that these guys would be involved in healthy activities for the evening such as sports or be in the gymnasium, but almost all of them can be found hanging around the 3-4 ‘bajji kadais’ that surround the college. The ones in our college were famously known as ‘Akka kadai’, ‘Priyadarshani’ and ‘Mettu-kadai’. All typical Thamizh names; and the evening time ‘hot bajjis themselves! Slurrrp! All discussions outside hostel invariably happened over these ‘bajji’ sessions. It is a famous 'paarambaryam' (tradition) that is followed in every college goer's life. The taste that lingers on after the bajjis and a ‘lemon’ or tea / coffee is a class apart.

But our bajji sojourn came to an abrupt end. Thanx to a horizontally challenged friend of mine, who came down with ‘typhoid’ in the middle of the year our daily visits dwindled down to monthly visits and we would have had the bajjis twice in our final year, is my guess! And this friend never touched it again after the episode is a point to note – ‘cos he aint the type saying no to victuals!

So when I tasted bajji today, it was a rush of the ‘feel’, the taste! No amount of description can put taste in the readers mind can it?!

Sky is the limit!

Happy B-Day to me!!! :D

Burp - 1

"The airport looks so clean today - maybe because there aren't so many people around!"